Plugged in a really pungent air freshener, got woozy and spent my morning against the bathroom window recreating the scene where Spock dies.

Just don’t pronounce GIF.

ladies need to tone it down with your teasing, flirting, stories of how you frolic naked, etc., or I’m going to call you all out by name in my book about my sex addiction.

Tautology Tuesday: Today is Tuesday.

Truthful Tuesday: I never learned how to swim in pussy.

There’s a line in that new Oz movie that struck a chord with me. Something like “I don’t want to be a good man. I want to be a great one.” By “great” I only mean to become a performer of some sort. All I know is I’ve written down everything funny that’s creeped into my head for the last three years, and something has to come of it. But I worry that I’ll keep chasing something I’m not cut out for. When it’s not the 24/7 crippling anxiety, it’s the manic behavior. I’ve embarrassed myself so much and so consistently over the last 30 years that I’ve learned to put mental blocks in place. I’m waiting for some magic switch to flip in my brain - to finally remove that wrench stuck in the cogs and let myself be creative.

My Tumblr rule is to use fewer than 140 first-person pronouns in a post. How did I do?

Men using smartphones THEY DID NOT INVENT to show off FREE software THEY DID NOT WRITE, in order to impress women. GET ME OFF THIS PLANET.

Reblog if you’ve had a twosome!

killaguhrilla:

fuiru:

pocketcontents:

liberalsarecool:

College Republican meme.

The entire idea that we shouldn’t create laws because criminals don’t adhere to them is ludicrous. See also: anarchy.

Can I just call a time out here to complain about something? Okay, I’ve seen arguments in this form quite a bit on Tumblr and Facebook recently, both espousing liberal and conservative viewpoints on a bunch of different topics (not just gun control/abortion), and they piss me right off.

Arguments like this basically boil down to “If you believe [Thing believed by people on the opposite side of the political spectrum] but not [Parallel thing believed by people on my side of the political spectrum] then you’re a hypocrite because these things are logically equivalent.”

So what’s the problem? The problem is you’re laughing at people for believing A but not B when (in your eyes) they’re logically equivalent. But you believe B but not A. And according to your argument, they’re logically equivalent. Congratulations, you’ve undermined your whole argument.

Take the example above. Replace the grinning republican with a stereotypical hippie. Switch captions around, leaving “Doesn’t believe” at the top. Typical Leftist Commies! Don’t believe outlawing abortions will stop abortion, but believe outlawing guns will stop gun violence! Tee hee! What idiots!

Long story short: If your argument consists of two independent sentences, and reversing the order of those two sentences proves your political opponents’ point, then it’s not a very good argument.

The point being that both sides of either issues are arguing emotionally rather than logically. Both sides lose before they even start.

Look at both issues through the lens of the document created to guide our nation through them and issues like them.

And don’t start with that, “the Constitution is outdated,” crap because if that’s true, then your precious First Amendment is just as irrelevant as you argue the rest to be.

Bottom line, quit with the emotional rhetoric and go back to the basics.

The magazines know that Robert Downey Jr. isn’t REALLY Iron Man, right?